Movie : The Apartment (1960)

Director : Billy Wilder
C.C. Baxter : Jack Lemmon
Fran Kubelik : Shirley MacLaine

  BUD
  Did you hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.

  FRAN
  (smiling) Shut up and deal!

영화는 처음에는 흥미로움을, 다음에는 당혹스러움을, 욕망을 마지막으로 순수함을.. 

다양한 모습을 보여주는 재미있는 영화였다. 

Movie : West Side Story (1961)

Directors : Jerome Robbins, Robert Wise

Maria : Natalie Wood

Tony : Richard Beymer

Riff : Russ Tamblyn

Maria! 
I've just met a girl named Maria, 
And suddenly that name 
Will never be the same 
To me. 

Maria!
I've just kissed a girl named Maria, 
And suddenly I've found 
How wonderful a sound 
Can be!

Maria! 
Say it loud and there's music playing-
Say it soft and it's almost like praying-
Maria... 
I'll never stop saying 
Maria! 

The most beautiful sound I ever heard. 
Maria! 

타이완에서 온 친구랑 재즈클럽에 갔었다. 요즘 거의 코스처럼 되어 가고 있는거 같다. 

바베큐 먹고, 재즈클럽에 가기 ㅎㅎ 

Book : The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas

Author : Gertrude Stein (Feb 3, 1847 - July 27, 1946)
was an American writer, poet, and art collector who spent most of her life in France.

Picasso 

“She says it is a good thing to have no sense of how it is done in the things that amuse you. You should have one absorbing occupation and as for the other things in life for full enjoyment you should only contemplate results. In this way you are bound to feel more about it than those who know a little of how it is done.”

Museum : Hidden Tracks

Seoul Museum of Art : SeMA Gold 2012_Hidden Tracks

오전에 샌드위치 집을 찾아 다니다 SeMA까지 가버렸다. 새로운 전시가 있는지 궁금해서 큰 기대를 하지 않고 들렀는데.. "Hidden Tracks" 의외로 괜찮은 전시였다. 유명한 작가의 전시는 아니였지만 실험적이었고, 작가들이 작품을 표현하면서 느꼈을 희열을 쫓아가다 보니 예술가로써의 삶이 조금은 더 흥미로워졌다.

"One of the pleasant things those of us who write or paint do is to have the daily miracle. It does come." - Gertrude Stein

Concert : Seoul Metropolitan Chorus

The 129th Regular Concert of Seoul Metropolitan Chorus 'Seoul Metropolitan Chorus's Exciting Concert'

예매를 해놓았던 공연이 있었는데.. 잊고 있었다. 아니 들어서는 순간까지도 갈까 말까를 많이 망설였는데.. 오랬만에 듣는 합창단의 목소리와 다양한 퍼포먼스는 작게나마 나에게 활력이 되었다. 물론 100%로 만족할 만한 공연은 아니였지만 ㅋ.. 주제넘게 말이다. ㅎ
가장 기억에 남는 노래는 전람회의 기억의 습작이었다.

Movie : Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

Director : Blake Edwards
Holly Golightly : Audrey Hepburn
Paul Varjak : George Peppard

Holly Golightly: I’m not Holly. I’m not Lula Mae, either. I don’t know who I am! I’m like Cat here, We’re a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don’t even belong to each other. Stop the cab. What do you think? This ought to be the right kind place for a tough guy like you—garbage cans, rats galore. Scram! I said take off! Beat it! Let’s go.

Paul Varjak: Driver... pull over here. You know what’s wrong with you, miss whoever-you-are? You’re chicken. You got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “o.k., life’s a fact.” people do fall in love. People do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing. And you’re terrified somebody’s going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. Here. I’ve been carrying this thing around for months. I don’t want it anymore.


I won't be change anything but everything will be changed except me.

Why We Travel

Pico Lyer (1957 - Present)

 is a British-born essayist and novelist. 

We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again – to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.
- Pico Iyer 

오랬만에 부모님을 모두 포함한 가족여행을 떠났었다. 우여곡절도 많았었지만 함께했던 시간과 부모님이 행복해 하는 모습들이 보기 좋았었다. 하루가 다르게 커가고 있는 조카들을 바라보면서 나를 회상하게 되었고, 부모님들을 보면서 나의 미래를 상상하게 되었다. 여러 새대들 동시에 느끼면서 나의 정체성에 대해서 다시 한번 고민하게 되었다. 시간은 영원히 지속되고 그 시간의 일부로써, 역사의 일부로써 나의 시간들을 채워가야 한다는 것을... 

Movie : Roman Holiday (1953)

Director : William Wyler

Joe Bradley : Gregory Peck

Princess Ann : Audrey Hepburn

Iving Radovich : Eddie Albert

"Princess Ann: I have to leave you now. I`m going to that corner there and turn. You must stay in the car and drive away. Promise not to watch me go beyond the corner. Just drive away and leave me as I leave you.

Joe Bradley: All right.
Princess Ann: I don`t know how to say goodbye. I can`t think of any words.
Joe Bradley: Don`t try."



One Word More


XVIII

This I say of me, but think of you, Love!
This to you--yourself my moon of poets!
Ah, but that's the world's side, there's the wonder,
Thus they see you, praise you, think they know you!
There, in turn I stand with them and praise you--
Out of my own self, I dare to phrase it.
But the best is when I glide from out them,
Cross a step or two of dubious twilight,
Come out on the other side, the novel
Silent silver lights and darks undreamed of,
Where I hush and bless myself with silence.

                                      - Robert Browning

Movie : The Great Gatsby (1974)

Director : Jack Clayton
Writer : F. Scott Fitzgerald
Jay Gatsby : Robert Redford
Daisy Buchanan : Mia Farrow
Nick Carraway : Sam Waterston

“Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions are those of defeat; the redeeming things are not happiness and pleasure but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle.” 

                                  -  F. Scott Fitzgerald

One Way Of Love

I.

All June I bound the rose in sheaves. 

Now, rose by rose, I strip the leaves

And strew them where Pauline may pass.

She will not turn aside? Alas!

Let them lie. Suppose they die?

The chance was they might take her eye.

II.

How many a month I strove to suit

These stubborn fingers to the lute!

To-day I venture all I know.

She will not hear my music? So!

Break the string; fold music's wing:

Suppose Pauline had bade me sing!

III.

My whole life long I learned to love.

This hour my utmost art I prove

And speak my passion---heaven or hell?

She will not give me heaven? 'Tis well!

Lose who may---I still can say,

Those who win heaven, blest are they! 

                                    - Robert Browning

Exercise : Swimming

정말 기나긴 여름인거 같다. 무더위가 이렇게 길었던 적이 없었던거 같은데...
무더운 여름이지만 그나마 위안을 받는 건 수영을 하면서다. ㅋ
힘이 들어가 있던 몸이 수영이 끝나고 나면 무거운 가방을 내려 놓은 것 처럼 몸이 가벼워지면서 힘이 빠지게 된다. 약간의 알콜이 더해지면 너무 행복해지는 거 같다. ㅎㅎ

책을 폈는데.. 첫 장만 여러번 읽게 되는거 같다. ㅎㅎ

“Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry “Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!”  - Thomas Parke D’Invilliers

Book : King Lear

William Shakespeare (Apr 26, 1564 - Apr 23, 1616)

말은 누구에게 다르게 해석될 수 있다. 진심의 말도, 진실도 어느 순간 어떻게 표현되느냐에 따라서 다른의미 또는 오해를 불러 일으킬 수 있다. 그러나 우리는 시간이 흐른 후에야 무엇이 진심이 었는지를 알게 된다. 어리석은 인간의 오해와 나약함을...

아픔을 이해하는 것은 쉬운 일은 아니다 그러나 그런 것들을 통해서 단단해진다고 해야 할까...  

"CORDELIA 

[Aside] Then poor Cordelia!

And yet not so; since, I am sure, my love's

More richer than my tongue.

KING LEAR 

To thee and thine hereditary ever

Remain this ample third of our fair kingdom;

No less in space, validity, and pleasure,

Than that conferr'd on Goneril. Now, our joy,

Although the last, not least; to whose young love

The vines of France and milk of Burgundy

Strive to be interess'd; what can you say to draw

A third more opulent than your sisters? Speak.

CORDELIA 

Nothing, my lord.

KING LEAR 

Nothing!

CORDELIA 

Nothing.

KING LEAR 

Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.

CORDELIA 

Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave

My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty

According to my bond; nor more nor less."

"Fool 

This is a brave night to cool a courtezan.

I'll speak a prophecy ere I go:

When priests are more in word than matter;

When brewers mar their malt with water;

When nobles are their tailors' tutors;

No heretics burn'd, but wenches' suitors;

When every case in law is right;

No squire in debt, nor no poor knight;

When slanders do not live in tongues;

Nor cutpurses come not to throngs;

When usurers tell their gold i' the field;

And bawds and whores do churches build;

Then shall the realm of Albion

Come to great confusion:

Then comes the time, who lives to see't,

That going shall be used with feet.

This prophecy Merlin shall make; for I live before his time."

Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised. 

If those who are not circumcised keep the law's requirements, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised? 

The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.

A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical.

No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God. (Romans 2:25-29)

Poem : To Live

Paul Éluard (Dec 14, 1895 - Nov 18, 1952)
was a French poet who was one of the founders of the surrealist movement.

To Live

We both have our hands to give 

Take mine I shall lead you afar 

I have lived several times my face has changed 

With every threshold I have crossed and every hand clasped Familial springtime was reborn 

Keeping for itself and for me its perishable snow 

Death and the betrothed 

The future with five fingers clenched and letting go 

My age always gave me 

New reasons for living through others 

For having the blood of man other's heart in mine 

Oh the lucid fellow I was and that I am 

Before the pallor of frail blind girls 

Lovelier than the delicate worn moon so fair 

By the reflection of life's ways 

A trail of moss anf trees 

Of mist and morning dew 

Of the young body which does not rise alone 

To its place on earth 

Wind cold and rain cradle it 

Summer makes a man of it 

Presesence is my virtue in each visible hand 

Only death is solitude 

From delight to fury from fury to clarity 

I make myself whole through all beings 

Through all weather on the earth and in the clouds 

Through the passing seasons I am young 

And strong for having lived 

I am young my blood rises over my ruins 

We have our hands to entwine Nothing can ever seduce better 

Tahn our bonding to each other a forest 

Returning earth to sky and the sky to night 

To the night which prepares an unending day. 

Book : Conquest of Happiness

Bertrand Russell (May 18, 1872 - Feb 2, 1970)
was a British philosopher, logician, mathematician, historian, and social critic.

Johannes Vermeer 

• Cause of Unhappiness 

Byronic Unhappiness

It is common in our day, as it has been in many other periods of the world's history, to suppose that those among us who are wise have seen through all the enthusiasms of earlier times and have become aware that there is nothing left to live for. The men who hold this view are genuinely unhappy, but they are proud of their unhappiness, which they attribute to the nature of the universe and consider to be the only rational attitude for an enlightened man. Their pride in their unhappiness makes less sophisticated people suspicious of its genuineness; they think that the man who enjoys being miserable is not miserable.

• Cause of Happiness 

The happy man is the man who does not suffer from either of these failures of unity, whose personality is neither divided against itself nor pitted against the world. Such a man feels himself a citizen of the universe, enjoying freely the spectacle that it offers and the joys that it affords, untroubled by the thought of death because he feels himself not really separate from those who will come after him. It is in such profound instinctive union with the stream of life that the greatest joy is to be found.


내가 느끼고 있는 불행과 행복은 어떤 것일까?
지금 난 행복한가?

저자는 너무 감정에 휘둘리지 말고 마음속 깊은 곳의 본능을 쫓아서 강물처럼 흘러가는 삶에 충분히 몸을 맡길 때, 우리는 가장 큰 행복을 발견할 수 있다고 말하고 있다.

Poem : Life in a Love

Robert Browning (May 7 1812 - Dec 12, 1889)

was an English poet and playwright whose mastery of dramatic verse, especially dramatic monologues, made him one of the foremost Victorian poets.

기분 좋은 이끌림이다. 새로운 것들을 접함으로 해서 내가 확장되어 가는 느낌...
욕심내지는 않을 것이다. 그냥 시원하게 불어오는 바람에 몸을 맡기듯 힘을 빼고 편하게 있을 것이다.




Life in a Love


Escape me?
Never---
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth
While the one eludes, must the other pursue. 
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And, baffled, get up and begin again,---
So the chace takes up one's life ' that's all. 
While, look but once from your farthest bound
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope goes to ground
Than a new one, straight to the self-same mark,
I shape me---
Ever
Removed! 
                               - Robert Browning 

If thou must love me

If thou must love me, let it be for nought

Except for love's sake only. Do not say

'I love her for her smile—her look—her way

Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—

For these things in themselves, Beloved, may

Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for

Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—

A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!

But love me for love's sake, that evermore

Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity

                                  - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

All my soul follows You. Love encircles You. I live in being Yours.

Poem : Song of Myself

Walt Whitman (May 31, 1891 - Mar 26, 1892)


3.
I have heard what the talkers were talking, the talk of the beginning and the end, 
But I do not talk of the beginning or the end. 


There was never any more inception than there is now, 
Nor any more youth or age than there is now, 
And will never be any more perfection than there is now, 
Nor any more heaven or hell than there is now. 


Urge and urge and urge, 
Always the procreant urge of the world. 


Out of the dimness opposite equals advance, always substance and increase, always sex, 
Always a knit of identity, always distinction, always a breed of life. 
To elaborate is no avail, learn'd and unlearn'd feel that it is so. 


Sure as the most certain sure, plumb in the uprights, well entretied, braced in the beams, 
Stout as a horse, affectionate, haughty, electrical, I and this mystery here we stand. 


Clear and sweet is my soul, and clear and sweet is all that is not my soul. 


Lack one lacks both, and the unseen is proved by the seen, 
Till that becomes unseen and receives proof in its turn. 


Showing the best and dividing it from the worst age vexes age, 
Knowing the perfect fitness and equanimity of things, while they discuss I am silent, and go bathe and admire myself. 


Welcome is every organ and attribute of me, and of any man hearty and clean, 
Not an inch nor a particle of an inch is vile, and none shall be less familiar than the rest. 


I am satisfied--I see, dance, laugh, sing; 
As the hugging and loving bed-fellow sleeps at my side through the night, and withdraws at the peep of the day with stealthy tread, 
Leaving me baskets cover'd with white towels swelling the house with their plenty, 
Shall I postpone my acceptation and realization and scream at my eyes, 
That they turn from gazing after and down the road, 
And forthwith cipher and show me to a cent, 
Exactly the value of one and exactly the value of two, and which is ahead? 




Early in the morning Joshua and all the Israelites set out from Shittim and went to the Jordan, where they camped before crossing over. After three days the officers went throughout the camp, giving orders to the people: "When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move out from your positions and follow it. (Samuel 3:1-3)

Book : 이탈리아 기행

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Aug 28, 1749 - Mar 22, 1832)

괴테의 글을 읽는 것은 아직도 남아있는 전율 때문이다.....

"먼 바다로 나갈수록 점점 수심이 깊어지는 것을 알게되는 법이다. 나에게는 이 도시를 관찰하는 일이 그렇다. 과거의 것을 모르고는 현재의 것을 인식할 수 없으며, 양자를 비교하는 데는 더 많은 시간과 차분한 마음이 필요하다."


"나는 많은 것을 보았고, 더 많은 것을 생각했다. 세상이 점점 더 활짝 열리기 시작한다. 이미 알고 있던 모든 것도 이제야 비로소 내것이 된다. 참으로 인간이란 일찍 알면서도 늦게야 실행하는 피조물인 것이다."


" 상식 밖의 일을 변명하려 드는 사람은 아무리 진리에 대한 사랑이 크다고 해도 늘 궁지에 빠지게 마련이다. 그런 사람은 상식 밖의 일에 어떤 개념을 부여하려고 하지만, 사실은 아무런 의미가 없는 것을 대단한 것으로 보이기 위해 억지로 꿰어맞추는 것에 불과하다."


"아름다운 사람들은 사방에 널려 있지만, 깊이 느끼는 동시에 좋은 음성 기관을 가진 사람들은 드뭅니다. 그리고, 이 모든 것에 매력적인 자태를 갖춘 사람들은 가장 희귀합니다"




지난번에 읽어 보려고 했던 글이 었는데, 책을 읽는데에도 시기가 있는 거 같다. 같은 단어,문장이라도 언제 읽는지에 따라서 너무도 다르게 느껴진다.


"사람들은 인상이 부드럽거나 선해 보이면 약하다고 생각하는 것 같아요. 선한 것은 악한 것과 다르다고 생각합니다. 선한 것의 반대는 악한 것이며, 약한것의 반대는 강한 것이지요. 따라서 선하면서 강할 수 있고, 반대로 악하면서 약할 수 있지 않을까요?"

"당신 자신의 생각을 믿는 것, 당신 자신의 마음속에서 진실이라고 믿는 것은 곧 다른 모든 사람에게도 진실이다. 이것이 재능이다."

"나는 나 자신이 되어야 한다. 나는 더 이상 당신을 위해 나 자신을 망칠 수 없다. 당신이 있는 그대로의 나를 사랑할 수 있다면 우리는 더 행복해질 것이다. 만약 당신이 그러지 못할지라도 나는 여전히 그렇게 되도록 애쓸 것이다."

"당신이 고귀하다면 나는 당신을 사랑할 것이다. 하지만 당신이 그렇지 않다면 나는 위선적인 관심으로 당신이나 나 자신에게 상처를 입히는 일은 하지 않을 것이다."

"당신이 떠났다고 해서 사라지는 것이 아니다. 당신이 어디를 가든 지켜보는 눈길과 사랑하는 마음을 그에게 남겼다."

"What we love that we have, but by desire we bereave ourselves of the love."

Leaves in July

"책을 읽는 다는 것은 고쳐 읽는 다는 것이고, 

책을 고쳐 읽는 다는 것은 고쳐 쓴다는 것이고, 

책을 고쳐 쓴다는 것은 법을 고쳐 쓴다는 것이고, 

법을 고쳐 쓴다는 것은 곧 혁명이다."  - 사사키 아타루 

요즘 나의 화두는 실패이다. 반복되는 일상에서 탈피해 실패를 경험해 보기다. 

조금만 틀에서 벗어나려 해도 탈선하려는 기차처럼 혼돈과 어지러움이 찾아 온다. 

역시 난 철없고 나약한 존재라는 것에 수긍하게 된다. 

하지만 이런 시도들로 인해 변화들에 익숙해지길 바라고 있다. 

무한궤도를 달리는 기차에서 벗어서 새로운 길을 멋지게 달리기를 꿈꾼다. 

"모든 자연은 네가 모르고 있을 뿐 예술이요, 모든 우연은 네가 보지 못할 뿐 계시이다. 

모든 부조화는 이해되지 않은 조화요, 모든 부분적인 악은 보편적인 선이니라."

잠깐이었지만 걱정을 했었더랬다. 별일 아니라니 다행이었지만... 

Book : The Purpose Driven

Rick Warren (Jan 28, 1954 - Present)

PBPGINFWMY
Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Me Yet


“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
It is not enough to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. "My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action." Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is "T-I-M-E.”

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

                            - Russell Kelfer

Book : A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

James Joyce (Feb 2, 1882 - Jan 13, 1941)

He was alone. He was unheeded, happy and near to the wild heart of life. He was alone and young and wilful and wildhearted, alone amid a waste of wild air and brackish waters and the sea-harvest of shells and tangle and veiled grey sunlight and gayclad lightclad figures of children and girls and voices childish and girlish in the air.
A girl stood before him in midstream, alone and still, gazing out to sea. She seemed like one whom magic had changed into the likeness of a strange and beautiful seabird. Her long slender bare legs were delicate as a crane’s and pure save where an emerald trail of seaweed had fashioned itself as a sign upon the flesh. Her thighs, fuller and soft-hued as ivory, were bared almost to the hips, where the white fringes of her drawers were like feathering of soft white down. Her slate-blue skirts were kilted boldly about her waist and dovetailed behind her. Her bosom was as a bird’s, soft and slight, slight and soft as the breast of some dark-plumaged dove. But her long fair hair was girlish: and girlish, and touched with the wonder of mortal beauty, her face.
She was alone and still, gazing out to sea; and when she felt his presence and the worship of his eyes her eyes turned to him in quiet sufferance of his gaze, without shame or wantonness. Long, long she suffered his gaze and then quietly withdrew her eyes from his and bent them towards the stream, gently stirring the water with her foot hither and thither.
The first faint noise of gently moving water broke the silence, low and faint and whispering, faint as the bells of sleep;
hither and thither, hither and thither; and a faint flame trembled on her cheek.
—Heavenly God! cried Stephen’s soul, in an outburst of profane joy.
He turned away from her suddenly and set off across the strand. His cheeks were aflame; his body was aglow; his limbs were trembling. On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him.
Her image had passed into his soul for ever and no word had broken the holy silence of his ecstasy. Her eyes had called him and his soul had leaped at the call. To live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to recreate life out of life! A wild angel had appeared to him, the angel of mortal youth and beauty, an envoy from the fair courts of life, to throw open before him in an instant of ecstasy the gates of all the ways of error and glory. On and on and on and on!
He halted suddenly and heard his heart in the silence. How far had he walked? What hour was it?
There was no human figure near him nor any sound borne to him over the air. But the tide was near the turn and already the day was on the wane. He turned landward and ran towards the shore and, running up the sloping beach, reckless of the sharp shingle, found a sandy nook amid a ring of tufted sandknolls and lay down there that the peace and silence of the evening might still the riot of his blood.
He felt above him the vast indifferent dome and the calm processes of the heavenly bodies; and the earth beneath him, the earth that had borne him, had taken him to her breast.


"Are you not weary of ardent ways,
Lure of the fallen seraphim?
Tell no more of enchanted days.

Your eyes have set man’s heart ablaze
And you have had your will of him.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?

Above the flame the smoke of praise
Goes up from ocean rim to rim.
Tell no more of enchanted days.

Our broken cries and mournful lays
Rise in one eucharistic hymn.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?

While sacrificing hands upraise
The chalice flowing to the brim.
Tell no more of enchanted days.

And still you hold our longing gaze
With languorous look and lavish limb!
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
Tell no more of enchanted days."


"I will tell you what I will do and what I will not do. I will not serve that in which I no longer believe, whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defence the only arms I allow myself to use - silence, exile, and cunning"

Movie : Anna Karenina (1997)

Director : Bernard Rose
Writers : Leo Tolstoy (Sep 9, 1828 - Nov 20, 1910)
Anna Karenina : Sophie Marceau
Vronsky : Sean Bean

Always in my dream,

I'm clinging to a branch,

Knowing full well that death inevitably awaits me.

The fear of dying without ever having

Known love was greater than the fear

of death itself I know now I was not alone

in the horror of this darkness.

So, too, was the fear of Anna Karenina.

.

.

.

This new feeling has not changed me.

 It has not made me happy

and enlightened all of a sudden

as I dreamed it would.

There was no surprise

about this, either.

But be it faith or not.

 I don't know what it is.

Through suffering, this feeling has crept

just as imperceptibly into my heart.

I shall still be unable to understand

with my reason why I pray,

and I shall still go on praying.

But my life now...

my whole life... independent of

anything that can happen to me,

every minute of it is no longer

 meaningless as it was before,

but has a positive meaning

of goodness

with which I have

the power to invest it.

Leo Tolstoy.